Doug's Funeral

[dreamshark]

It was pretty nice, as such things go. The minister seemed like a very sweet person and seemed to be doing her best to deal with the no doubt common problem of a religious family with a non-religious deceased. But the thing that always bothers me about even the nicest clergypeople at a wedding or a funeral is that they seem to have the mistaken idea that people have come to the event to listen to them. I guess it's interesting to know that the minister chose a seemingly irrelevant passage from Revelations as a text because it reminded HER of a spaceship (because of an incident at church camp or something).... but not really that interesting. More family memories and less sermon would have been welcome. Maybe most of the family was too shy to speak in front of a crowd? I was very moved by the one aunt that shared her memories of Little Dougie and wished that more of the family had felt like doing the same.

The best moment in the ceremony was the unexpected introduction of the Star Wars theme. I sneaked a look around the room, and it wasn't just the fans that were smiling through tears. If it was the presiding minister who thought of that, then I totally forgive her for the boring sermon.

It was also very touching to see that somebody had come up with a beautiful Enterprise model to place in Doug's empty wheelchair, as he had asked. I used to wonder why anybody would care what happened at their funeral, since they wouldn't be around to see it anyway. I'm beginning to understand. Funeral requests are a gift that you give to your survivors. Death makes us all feel so helpless, but if we can do a little something to fulfill a last wish we feel better. So, thanks, Doug for the request. And even more thanks to whoever fulfilled the request on behalf of all us fannish survivors.

Comments

[laurel]

I think pastors are used to doing sermons where they make Bible passages "real" to people by relating them to their lives somehow so that may be part of it.

It's "Revelation" not "Revelations" just as a data point. It's a mistake made constantly and it's one of my pet peeves (nothing throws me out of a movie or book or TV episode faster than if a character who is supposed to be knowledgeable re the Bible says "Revelations"). I correct just to be helpful as this appears to be a losing battle as 99% of the time I see/hear it as "Revelations".

I'm sorry I missed the funeral and glad it went well as these things go (and I'm glad that people have been posting about it). I believe Joe Agee provided the Enterprise they used.

[dreamshark.livejournal.com]

"I think pastors are used to doing sermons where they make Bible passages "real" to people by relating them to their lives somehow so that may be part of it."

No doubt.

"It's "Revelation" not "Revelations" just as a data point."

Well, I'll be damned (so to speak). So it is. I'll try not to make that error again. But technically, isn't it "The Book of Revelation?" So "Revelation" and "Revelations" are both just nicknames anyway. Nicknames don't have to be exact, and occasionally add an "S," like referring to Superman as "Supes." (Of course, he probably hates it when people do that.) Now that you mention it, " That's in the Book of Revelation" sounds right. But would anybody actually say, "That's in Revelation?"

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

My reactions were generally the same as yours.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

At the only funeral I've been to with an open section for sharing memories, I wasn't too shy to speak, I was too overcome. Sometimes one can hold off tears for long enough to speak in a time of great sorrow, or sometimes one can speak clearly, audibly, and coherently through them. markgritter's grandmother's funeral was not one of those times for me. I was all right as long as I didn't have to talk, and I could talk to people afterwards because I could speak very quietly. I wanted to get up and say something. But barely-human-sounding sob-croaks were all that would come out when I tried.

I think one of the reasons some traditions have an official person do the speaking is because that official person doesn't know the person as intimately and is somewhat trained to get through it if they do. For some people -- even those who would not self-identify as shy -- being asked to speak publicly and from the heart in a time of personal crisis is just one thing too many. For others, I'm sure that doing so is a focal point that helps them keep themselves together as well as a chance to share something meaningful, and so I'm always glad when there's room for either approach.

[jbru.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of funeral requests being gifts to the survivors. I have a fairly fatalist attitude regarding death and don't expect my funeral will be much of an affair. But I'll remember that bit and think about what sorts of gifts I'd like to give folks if they'll be the last gifts that I'll be able to give.

[mizzlaurajean.livejournal.com]

I thought the pastor did a nice job incorporating who Doug was even though she didn't know him, it's clear that even though the rest of his family weren't fans that they suppported who he was. Or at least this was my impression based on the service and his aunts little talk.

I don't think it's that they are trying to make it about them by telling little family things, I think they are trying to relate to people and be persoanble, I thought it was a nice touch and she didn't over do it.

I too always enjoy when family or friends get up and share a memory or thoughts but I know I've never been able to do it nor has anyone in my family we just fall apart.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Since the last two funerals I've attended included the person's aunt getting up and telling about their early years, I find that now I expect it.

K.

[skylarker.livejournal.com]

Yes; it would have been nice to hear more from his family and friends. I can understand why many might not have felt up to speaking, though.

I also like your thought about Doug's last requests. The model of Enterprise in his wheelchair, and the photo of Spock(!) struck me as a half-joking message from him to us.

[mmagidow.livejournal.com]

The night after the funeral I was thinking about Doug, and though I didn't know him very well, and I am not a religious person, I like to picture him up there (somewhere) running through tall grass, being just as tall as he wanted to be, rolling and jumping and I know he will have a great big smile on his face and will maybe be flashing us a peace sign with his nimble fingers. May the force be with you forever, Doug.