Grandma Mary's funeral
Feb. 2nd, 2020 09:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dreamsharkFunerals are the opposite of weddings. Weddings are typically over-planned, with the planning stage stretching out for months and months. Funerals, even when not unexpected, are thrown together in a matter of days. Both can be stressful, but different types of stress. Grandma Mary was 100 years old, but her final decline was surprisingly fast so it was still a little bit of a surprise. But the Tatge family is highly competent (as well as extremely nice), and the funeral was everything a funeral should be.The only snag was that about twice as many people showed up as the family had estimated and THE CHURCH LADIES RAN OUT OF FOOD, which is something I have never seen happen. But there were extra meat and cheese platters and crockpots full of BBQ sloppy joe filling and about 10 million pans of bars waiting at various family members' houses, so not a disaster. I was impressed with how well little groups of workers spontaneously formed and got things done without any direction needed. Of course most of them have lived within 30 miles of each other for decades and they have done this kind of thing many times before, but I'm still always in awe at how seamlessly everything just happens.
Typically I just stand around feeling awkward because I'm waiting for direction that never comes because everybody else just knows what needs to happen. But this time I did actually get to help with something I know how to do, which was nice. Most of the memorial services I have been to have had a lot of different people standing up to offer memories of the deceased, but in Benson they prefer the single eulogy model. This honor was offered to Richard as the eldest child. Although he is not exactly shy, he is not the most verbal person on the planet and was nervous about it. He finally agreed when told that it would all be written out beforehand and all he had to do was read it. About a half-dozen family members had gathered the night after the death and had it all pretty much written, so easy-peasy. Then Christopher emailed me the eulogy-in-progress, which turned out to be nothing more than brainstorming notes. I sat down at the computer and Richard read me his own random notes, which I rewrote into actual paragraphs. I put it into Google Docs and shared the link with whoever was interested, and a few more memories were added. The original author washed his hands of the document at this point, so I happily took over for the final edit. Marlene and Doug contributed the two best-written paragraphs, one of which I used as a lead-in to the memories and the other as a conclusion. While Richard and I drove out to Benson, various family members fact-checked and made minor edits. In the end, it was just what you want a thing like this to be - better than the sum of its parts. It's here if you want to read it.
And here's Richard, reading the eulogy in the church with the draped coffin in the foreground.
As a celebration of Mary Strom Tatge's endless energy and creativity, somebody came up with the idea of having family members bring in some of the many quilts she had made them over the years and laying them over the pews. There were about 85, which couldn't have been more than a quarter of the number she actually made.
Mary loved dressing up and was known for the variety of colorful hats that she would wear to church. So as a tribute to that side of her personality, the women of the family all wore hats. The pre-funeral text storm of ladies discussing hats and wardrobe for the ceremony was like being back in high school, but look how well it turned out. Not sure how Jesus ended up in the picture, but he seems to approve.
Typically I just stand around feeling awkward because I'm waiting for direction that never comes because everybody else just knows what needs to happen. But this time I did actually get to help with something I know how to do, which was nice. Most of the memorial services I have been to have had a lot of different people standing up to offer memories of the deceased, but in Benson they prefer the single eulogy model. This honor was offered to Richard as the eldest child. Although he is not exactly shy, he is not the most verbal person on the planet and was nervous about it. He finally agreed when told that it would all be written out beforehand and all he had to do was read it. About a half-dozen family members had gathered the night after the death and had it all pretty much written, so easy-peasy. Then Christopher emailed me the eulogy-in-progress, which turned out to be nothing more than brainstorming notes. I sat down at the computer and Richard read me his own random notes, which I rewrote into actual paragraphs. I put it into Google Docs and shared the link with whoever was interested, and a few more memories were added. The original author washed his hands of the document at this point, so I happily took over for the final edit. Marlene and Doug contributed the two best-written paragraphs, one of which I used as a lead-in to the memories and the other as a conclusion. While Richard and I drove out to Benson, various family members fact-checked and made minor edits. In the end, it was just what you want a thing like this to be - better than the sum of its parts. It's here if you want to read it.
And here's Richard, reading the eulogy in the church with the draped coffin in the foreground.
As a celebration of Mary Strom Tatge's endless energy and creativity, somebody came up with the idea of having family members bring in some of the many quilts she had made them over the years and laying them over the pews. There were about 85, which couldn't have been more than a quarter of the number she actually made.
Mary loved dressing up and was known for the variety of colorful hats that she would wear to church. So as a tribute to that side of her personality, the women of the family all wore hats. The pre-funeral text storm of ladies discussing hats and wardrobe for the ceremony was like being back in high school, but look how well it turned out. Not sure how Jesus ended up in the picture, but he seems to approve.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-03 02:30 am (UTC)Richard's mourning clothes struck me SO MUCH. I'm not sure I've ever seen him in a plain T-shirt before. Please give him my condolences. I'm probably missing the next MinnStf meeting, which, now that I recall, he probably won't be at anyway.
P.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-03 03:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-02-05 07:43 pm (UTC)K. [the quilts are terrific; what a good idea]
no subject
Date: 2020-02-05 11:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-02-03 11:20 pm (UTC)