Well, that was easy. Not cheap, but easy. I biked up to Bevel Piercings, picked out a couple of tiny little titanium posts topped with opalescent blue and green, and a pleasant young man with tattoos all over his body poked them into my ears. It hurt a lot for about 1 second per ear (which was a lot less painful than when Roberta did it 55 years ago). 

But then I learned that everything we all thought we used to know about piercing ears was WRONG. You don't need to put alcohol on them or twirl them around so they won't grow into your earflesh. You just have to spray them with salt water twice a day and then leave them alone. But you have to leave them alone for 4 to 6 months, because that's how long it actually takes for piercings to heal!  Anyway, that's what Justin says.

Okay, 4-6 months seems to be on the conservative side. The Internet informs me that there are two milestones: 6 weeks to what piercers like to call "downsize," which is apparently the point where you can remove the original stud or hoop and put in a slightly smaller one. And then some more weeks or months until "full healing" has taken place, down inside where you can't see or feel it. There is unanimous agreement on the 6 weeks interval, where "most of the healing" occurs. Estimates on how long it takes for "full healing" run from 2-6 months. 

Right now, my ears don't hurt at all, not even a tiny bit. We'll see how it goes.