Spent an hour on the phone with Qwest, trying to find the most cost-effective way to upgrade my creaky old DSL service from 640Mbps to 1.5M. It costs one thing if you just order the service, something else if you have a "phone package," something else if you sign a 2-year contract guaranteeing Rate for Life, and so on. I actually DID have a "phone package" (basic phone plus 3 extra services) which had been monkied around with by Qwest so many times over the years that it was now listed in their records as ala carte service with a mysterious discount. Even if I want to keep the same 3 services I have now, it appears that I have to cancel the ala carte services and reenroll for the same services in a new marketing package. Oh, and for the same price as the new 3-service package I can have a 3-month trial of the Home Choice Package with ALL the services, but then I have to call in 3 months and change it if I don't want the price to go up. And all of this interacts with the Long Distance service in ways too complex to think about.

But I really did need to update my service, so we slogged on through while Jennifer found what she thought was the best combination. Then a long, long pause ensued while she waited for her computer to tell her when the service change could be scheduled and we chatted about the weather. At the penultimate moment, her computer spit out the information that I would need to upgrade the piece of equipment that the phone company persists in calling a "momem" to handle the new speed. Now this is not entirely unreasonable - I've had my little Cisco 675 DSL router for as long as I've had DSL, which must be about 9 years now. But since my poor saleswoman has no idea what any of this equipment is, communication broke down at this point.

Qwest will sell you one of two connection devices, both of which they call "modems." I want a router with one DSL connection and one or more Ethernet ports. Jennifer had no idea what I was talking about. She had only heard the word "router" in connection with wireless routers. I want a device that I can use to manage my network directly (NAT, DHCP, etc.), preferably via telnet (I hate hate hate those GUI interfaces). Jennifer had no idea what I was talking about. She went off to look for a tech support person, but all she came back with was the model numbers of the two devices Qwest sells. Since I don't want to buy a device that the salesperson can't describe, and I don't want my network to stop working abruptly when the order goes through, I cancelled the order, much to Jennifer's disappointment. As a courtesy to Jennifer, who had spent a lot of time with me, I asked if I could contact her directly when I was ready to order so she would get the commission, but apparently it doesn't work that way. Oh well. Maybe she'll take the opportunity to learn a little more about how their equipment works and she'll get the next sale.

And after all that time, I have nothing to show for it except a new task: upgrade my network so it will work with the higher DSL speeds. Apparently I need something called a "DMT modem." The models that Qwest sells are a Motorola M1000 and M3347. I also should look into alternatives for long distance service. Currently I am paying $5 or $6 per month to Qwest just to provide long distance (plus $.05/minute or something). This is probably silly, since I don't make a lot of long distance calls. I'd be better off with one of those 3rd-party services that you just dial when you need them, but I no longer know what's available. And we'd probably be better off with an external answering machine instead of voice mail. That way we'd have a flashing light to let us know there's a message.